3.08.2007

Some personal growth

It seems to me that when you have to struggle to find the right words for a blog post that perhaps you should just give up and wait until something feels more natural. It is just a blog after all; I have no deadlines to complete an entry here. However I do sometimes get caught up in a cycle where I feel like I need to post something in order to keep my readers interested. A new person commenting on the blog is often a spur for me to write more. It is crazy of course, normally I don’t really care if people comment or not (at least that is what I tell myself when posts get no comments). It makes just as much sense as getting all excited when a complete stranger tells me that The Girl is absolutely beautiful, or that she could model does. Why is it that comments from complete strangers mean more to me, than comments from people close to me do? I seem to have an uncanny ability to deny compliments from my inner circle, to assume they are “just being nice.” A comment from a relative stranger means more to me because I don’t feel like they have to “just be nice.” It is crazy, but there it is; a window into my neurosis.

I have decided that this cracked behavior has to stop. From now on I am going to accept all compliments as they were intended, with no second guessing or negative self-talk thrown in for good measure. I started my blog as a way to document some of my thoughts; not to attract hordes of readers. I have to stop myself from logging into my web stats tracking account more than once a week. I’m only tracking for my own entertainment purposes anyway. It is funny that my post about the Backyardigans and another rant about Johnny and the Sprites seem to garner the most attention. The posts that are the least about me, find the greatest audience. I’m not sure what that says, and I don’t really care. I’ll keep writing things I want to write, and let the other bloggers cover the important topics of this world. This is my reality, and I’ll make it what I want it to be. I know that occasionally someone will read here and think what I said was true, or witty, or interesting in some regard, and that my friends is just gravy!

Thanks for reading, I'll keep treadmilling around but don't expect any fancy
Choreographed dance moves around here. I just run on my treadmill, boring as I am.

1 comment:

Meena said...

You are NOT boring. And no, I'm not saying that b/c I'm in your inner circle (I am, aren't I???).

Blogging is weird. It sometimes feels like a high school popularity contest. But I like reading stories and finding out little nuggets of information from my friends that I might not otherwise get to find out. This is your avenue to talk about whatever YOU want to. And that's precisely why I come here!