Where did I go?

I’m not sure when it happened, but it did. I find myself with very little patience for my whiney children. I know that getting up with Infant upwards of 4 times per night for the past few days hasn’t helped matters. I really try not to complain about sleep, but waking up 4 times a night is a good form of torture. We’ve tried medicating her with Motrin at bed time but she still wakes up multiple times. I can feel at least two teeth that are just starting to pop through her gums. Hopefully when the teeth come through we will get some sleep again. I really miss sleep. I don’t particularly enjoy traveling for work, but at least when I do I get to sleep through the night. Oddly enough Infant and Toddler both sleep through the night while I am traveling too. It isn’t clear whether DH just sleeps through the cries, or if they just roll over and go back to sleep because they know Mommy isn’t around.

The patience aspect comes in when Toddler is being defiant, or Infant just won’t go to sleep despite being clearly tired. This week I have felt like driving away and never coming back multiple times. I like to think that I am good at most things that I decide to do in life. Being a parent is just so different from every other aspect of life. If I don’t meet a running goal I know it is because I didn’t put in enough training, and I can make corrections. At work I can make adjustments to my style in order to be more effective. At home, it seems as though every time I think I have the children figured out they change. Last year I could bribe Toddler with an episode of Jo Jo’s Circus, but now he acts like I am torturing him if Jo Jo is on TV. A ride in the wagon used to be good as well, but now unless he gets to walk alongside the wagon and/or pull it himself (not a wise choice with Infant in the wagon as well) it isn’t appealing. I realize that he needs to develop independence, and his little revolts are his way of doing so. I just wish his independence didn’t make me late for work in the morning, or that I could get him to switch it off when it isn’t convenient for me.

I’m trying to remember if I ever had anything interesting to say, or if I was just mute prior to having children. I feel like all I ever talk about (outside of work) is my kids. I think I need to rediscover my own interests soon, because I am sick of listening to myself talk about my kids. I can only imagine how others must feel. DH and I have an anniversary coming up next week. We were married almost 9 years ago, and have only had the kids for 3 years of that time. How is it possible that all of that history is lost, and only our kids remain? I know it is there somewhere, just hidden under layers of diapers, sippy cups, bottles, and toys. Perhaps if I get some sleep I can reflect on the past fondly again.

1 comment:

MizLarson said...

Oh, Heather - i could've written half of that post ... been feeling much the same lately!