Boundaries

My heart broke a little this morning, or it wanted to break just a little this morning. I almost caved to my instinct to stop the heart breaking, but I held firm instead. And you know what happened? My heart grew instead. I work from home these days, and I knew that this morning I had a call that I needed to be on and ready to actively participate on by 8. I didn't want to be on mute and in the background getting The Girl ready to leave the house and then off to daycare where she catches the bus. After my workout I woke her, telling her I was going to get in the shower, that I had an early call, and that she needed to be up and ready if she wanted a ride to daycare (it is 2 blocks away). She said almost nothing in response, so I was not surprised when after my shower she was still in bed showing no signs of waking or moving. I told her again, that I had a call, and that when I was dressed/ready we would be leaving or that she could walk. After I was ready for the day, she was of course, still sleeping. I told her I would make her lunch, but that if she wasn't ready in 10 minutes I wouldn't be able to drive her.

I guess you can all see where this is going...at 8 I got on my call. The Girl was still in bed. I heard her moving around upstairs at a little past 8, and at 8:10 or so she came into the office with her sad face and asked me for a ride. I pointed to the phone, and told her I couldn't (I had to mute). She slammed the door and stormed off. Then she came back again and tried the same thing to no avail. After a couple of minutes she gave up and walked down to daycare. I was able to actively participate on my call without muting (mostly) and I felt strong because of it.

My point in sharing this story is not to embarrass my daughter. It came to me a few days ago - with the help of T showing me that I needed to get this, that we don't have firm enough boundaries with our kids - or maybe just I don't have firm enough boundaries with them. This hasn't always been the case, but it has been recently. I read a few books in the past year that I think set me on a path where I thought we didn't need boundaries and consequences (though to be fair this was absolutely not in either of the books). I'd been devoting a lot of my time and energy towards helping both of my kids in letting themselves feel their emotions when they happen rather than stuff them and hide them and fear them as I learned to do as a child. I know that this has been important work, and it is by no means done, but in addition to that work my kids need to know that I have boundaries. Both kids to some degree have been testing boundaries lately, nothing disastrous really, but in hindsight I can see that my kids were pushing back to see where the actual boundary was. I've had scenes like the one with The Girl this morning many times before, and I have still driven her when she comes down with a sad face, and then muted myself on the call. So why would she respect my time limit for getting a ride to daycare? She didn't think it was a real boundary, and she knew she could negotiate with me and get her ride.

I still don't love the incident this morning, the nurturing mom in me wanted to drive her. I knew that the indulgence of me driving her today wasn't going to do her any good tomorrow though. Ultimately it wouldn't do her any good as she becomes an adult either. I hope that she is able to be strong enough to set boundaries for herself, and stick to them. There are so many times in life when we are asked to trample our own boundaries, and that is where problems arise. The only way she will become an adult who can set and stick to her own boundaries is by having parents who model that skill for her as she is growing up.

Another Brené Brown quote to learn from

The same idea holds true for my son. Just yesterday he confided in me that some kids at school took his pencil, a pen, and a highlighter from his pencil case under the guise of "being funny." It wasn't funny though, and he was too shy, and too afraid to speak up for himself. Instead he went the rest of the day with no pencil because he only had one with him at school that day. I think in his case the issue is trickier than needing firm boundaries, but it is certainly an aspect of what happened. A year ago I would have talked to his teacher about it on his behalf, but he doesn't want his Mom involved now that he is in middle school. He and I will talk about it more. I think he understands that those kids stole from him, and the fact that he doesn't want to say anything to them or a teacher about it because he is afraid one of them will beat him up - well that is bullying. As much as I want to swoop in and rescue him, I can see that what he really needs is for his Mom to be there to coach him through it - and to listen to how he feels about it. He may not decide to stand up for himself in this particular case, but hopefully over time he will realize that he has that power inside himself. I want him to know that he is he worthy of boundaries.

The hardest thing about parenting seems to be that we can't give our kids anything we don't already have for ourselves. If I don't respect my own boundaries my kids won't be able to do that for themselves either - unless they find themselves a good deal of therapy as adults that is. As much as I want my kids to be able to learn from what I say, they will only learn by watching what I do. Recognizing that power - that obligation - forces us to grow up.

Bridges

I love bridges, or more specifically I love pictures of bridges. I was searching for a few photos to fill a new collage frame we put up, and I realized just how many bridge photos I've collected over the past few years. My favorites from this bunch were all taken with my iPhone while running. A small sample:

Mill City Ruins - Minneapolis, MN

Bridge over Mission Bay - San Diego, CA

Bridge over Mission Bay - San Diego, CA

Bridge over the Chattahoochee - Columbus, GA

Bridge over the River Ouse - York England

Another bridge over the Chattahoochee - Columbus, GA

Bridge over Pacific Ocean Inlet - San Diego, CA

Tempted to grow

This week was strange. The kids and I had Monday off so it was a short work week for me. It was made even shorter by a quick work trip to Toronto Tuesday/Wednesday. Obviously the week wasn't actually shorter, but working while traveling doesn't feel quite the same as working from home does. While in Toronto some work news surfaced that at least temporarily rocked my world. The person who recruited me into my current role is no longer there. I won't say more than that, but it was most definitely a shock. My first reaction was to speculate about how this change would affect my work. I think it will affect me, but it is too soon to know exactly how that will be. I've decided that my best plan for the moment is to continue my current efforts until my work is no longer needed there. There are several possibilities for me there, but I don't think my future projections will help me cope with today if I dwell on them. The reality is that there is very little I can do to influence my future there if I don't focus on the job I currently have.

I started reading a new (to me) book this week called "Seat of the Soul," by Gary Zukav. Oprah mentions this book in her Super Soul Sunday shows fairly often, and I watched an older re-aired Master Class on OWN that was about Oprah herself where she mentioned it again. I finally gave in and bought the book to read for myself. My first observation is that I am probably not completely ready to read this book. It is remarkably hard to follow as he circles around the concept of our soul and our personality and how the two work together but also apart. I feel as though there is truth in his words, but I need to read them more slowly to allow myself to fully absorb the meaning. Or perhaps I will finish the book, but then come back and read it again at another time. Either way, there are a few tidbits that I've taken from the book already.

The first tidbit is that temptation is your soul's way of allowing you to test yourself without involving others. Temptation gives us an opportunity to grow stronger. I know that when I resolve daily to eat less junk food, to eat more consciously, and not eat to numb my feelings I am always tempted to throw that away. I had seen temptation as weakness, but the book shifted my perspective about it. If temptation is actually strength what does that mean for me? I should expect temptation, and I should be happy for it. When I resolve that I am going to yell less, my kids do things that make me want to yell even more - and again I felt that I was weak in not being able to respond more constructively. Now I see that every opportunity where I would normally comfort eat, or yell to try to solve a conflict with my kids is an opportunity for me to grow - for my personality to better align with my soul if you will. I recognize that this is out there, so it isn't as though I am suggesting that all of you go read this book or believe the same things I do about the messages. For me though, that may have been the lesson I needed to learn this week.

I think back to the person I was just a couple of years ago, and that person would not have been ready to read that temptation was a good thing. She would not have been willing to move beyond the "why me" aspect of a big job change so quickly either. I know I still have a long journey of growth ahead of me, but it is good to recognize how far I've come. As I go forward into a new week I am choosing to be grateful for any and all temptations that try to take me off of my resolved path. I will know that it is my soul's work (or God's work if you are so inclined) to help me grow and make me stronger against those temptations when they continue to arise.

Lake Ontario Sunrise

The second post

The second post back after a long break from blogging seems to be the hardest for me. I have made a few returns to blogging, but then couldn't come up with a follow-up. It was as if I had said what I wanted to say, and could then step away again. Maybe that is all I need from a blog - an outlet when I occasionally want one, but otherwise a static, boring page. I guess I'll find out as I go along, but it felt good to write 'for me' again, and I want to remind myself of that feeling at least a few more times before I hide back in the corner in silence.

This week I traveled to San Diego for work. I think I have been in San Diego 10 or so times in my life, and for some reason I feel drawn to the city. The first time I was there I was 8 years old and my parents took my brother and me to the San Diego Zoo. I don't remember that trip at all, other than vague images of me wearing my Mickey Mouse Ears I'd just gotten at Disneyland and of it raining in San Diego. I also spent a week in San Diego as a teenager, where a church group I was with stayed at a college campus and I did my best to ignore the prosthelytizing while enjoying the socializing and the ocean. On that trip my distinct memory is of swimming in the ocean and being helped to shore by a lifeguard because I had been caught in a rip current. Most of my trips there have been for work though. I assume conference planners are drawn to San Diego because of the predictable weather - generally not too hot, not too cold, and pretty much predictably gorgeous all year round.

When I've found myself in San Diego for work I have always found a way to make it to the ocean or the bay - whether that be a morning run along the bay from one of the bayfront hotels, a run along the beach, or at a minimum eating at a restaurant with a good view of the ocean. This week I had a chance to walk on the beach 3 different times, twice for morning runs, and once at night after dinner at a beachfront restaurant. The beaches I saw this week were mostly uninhabited, which is my favorite sight to see. I can certainly appreciate a good crowded beach, but the peace from a deserted beach is something that touches my soul. The waves crashing to the sand, the vastness of the ocean, and just little old me standing on the shore taking it all in...there is something magical in that. I think when I have a moment like that I am closest to god. I can feel the way we are all connected when I look out at the never-ending ocean. The beauty, the sounds, the experience, it all comes together to remind me that we are all in this together. I am but one tiny speck in the universe, but we are all part of the same life force. Instead of making me feel small and insignificant the ocean makes me feel powerful and free. I get to be part of the same life force that created all of this beauty, and that means I have the same beauty within me.

Torrey Pines State Beach - San Diego, CA

I would love to live closer to the ocean, to be able to see that beauty whenever I want to. There is certainly beauty in my home town, but sometimes it is harder to connect with it when it is covered with snow. Although even snow, and the cold hard months of winter remind me of the power there is in the universe. When I run past the frozen pond that sits at the entrance to our subdivision I always think about the turtles and frogs who lie buried at the bottom - almost completely frozen and in a state of nearly dead - who will come alive again in the spring. In a way the contrast of the easy living ocean, and the nearly dead turtles at the bottom of the pond are a reminder that sometimes life is smooth and easy and at other times you have to work hard to get what you need. Without one I don't think you can adequately appreciate the other.

Choosing

It has been too long since I've posted here, which clearly goes without saying. I recently decided that I missed having blogging as an outlet. I had to get an SMS to my phone to reset my password to post here - which is somewhat weird considering that meant that I didn't know the password for my primary personal email address that I use every single day (mostly to collect tons of spam and marketing emails - what would I do without a daily email from DSW, White House Black Market, and Zulily?). I think it is somewhat fitting that 2.5 years ago I wrote my last post, and it is all still so true. I think then I was in the fake it until you make it stage of giving myself that message. I think I am closer to living it now - or maybe I will continue to fake it a bit more each day until I can't tell the difference between faking it and living it anymore.

I've been in a new job for just over a year now, and the first year was filled with anguish for a variety of reasons. I had to learn a new (complicated) company culture, and find a way to navigate within it while working remotely from home. When the opportunity for this job first came to me from a certain persistent former manager, I didn't think I was up to the task. I honestly didn't see in myself what he saw in me, and I felt as though I would be found to be a fraud. At some points during the last year I was convinced that I would only stay for a year, that working remotely from home was just too isolating and that I would go find a safer, easier job somewhere local. However at a dinner with a colleague in England, after a few days of both of us complaining about all of the things that were terrible at our workplace, something shifted in me. I can't remember which of us said it, but we came to a mutual understanding that we were not going to complain anymore. We acknowledged that we were sitting there together brainstorming just how awesome our products could be, and we had to double down to put all of our efforts into making them so. We've held each other to it too, it can be cathartic to complain at times, and we do still vent, but we stop each other before we go down that negative path. That dinner changed me.

Just this week I sat in a long painful meeting discussing progress on a project that I have known in my gut was the wrong project for us to invest in from the start. I listened, I answered questions, and I took away some action items. At the end of the meeting instead of fulfilling my action items I just looked at the notebook page I had written them on. I crossed them out, and wrote "cancel the project" underneath them. I asked myself why I was letting myself work on something I knew to be the wrong way forward. I had excuses of course, I had attempted to convince my manager that this was the wrong project from the start and had failed at doing so. I hadn't tried hard enough though. That feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you that you are on the wrong path should not be ignored - even if you've been told to ignore that feeling on multiple occasions. I ended the work week yesterday by convincing others that we needed to stop the project. There will be fallout from that decision of course, so there is more to do, but I stood up for what I knew was right and that feels amazing.

I watched Brené Brown's TED Talk about vulnerability and shame and courage at some point last year, which led me to her second TED Talk, and then to read two of her books (The Gifts of Imperfection, and Daring Greatly). It also led me to start watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN. I'd been on a spiritual journey already when these messages came into my life which is why I know I was ready to hear them - but I thank my version of god every day now that they did. I feel awake in a way I never had been before. I put a post-it with one of Brené Brown's quotes on the wall (and then the desk because it isn't sticky enough and kept falling down) in my office so I can see it when I'm working. It says: "You can choose courage or you can choose comfort you cannot have both." When I'm working and tempted to take the comfortable path, the quote kicks me a bit and challenges me to be courageous, to be vulnerable, to shake my perfectionist tendencies that stop me from getting my work out there. My counselor, whom I've seen for various reasons for some long stretches at a couple of different points in my life uses the word comfort a lot too. She says something along the lines of just because it is comfortable doesn't mean you like it, or that it feels good, just that it is what you know. So here is to 2015 where I choose to be courageous more than I did in 2014. Here is to a thousand little decisions every day in which I choose to be brave and find the strong way forward, instead of the well worn path of what I know.

Remembering to be Awesome

When I was growing up I wasn’t an athlete.  I tried many different sports including soccer, hockey, baseball, and softball.  I was never the best on any team I played on, but I enjoyed being part of a team and trying to get better.  I didn’t find running until I was an adult.  I can still remember doing my own version of a couch to 5K plan by running between bridges on the 9 Mile Creek Trail and then walking again.  Eventually I was running the whole time, not walking at all, and I was hooked.  I can still remember running 4 miles without stopping and without being winded.  That feeling is something I will probably never replicate, but breaking 2 hours in a half marathon two years ago came pretty close (oddly finishing my 2 marathons did not give me anywhere near the same feeling).  Despite the fact that I have two active kids, work full time, and have lots of other responsibilities I can still make the time to push myself to get better.  In the last few miles of that half marathon 2 years ago, I almost let myself give up.  It was getting harder to maintain my goal pace, and I had stopped to walk through a water stop and didn’t want to run again.  I made the decision that I wasn’t going to come *this  close* again and just let it slip me by, so I didn’t.  I sucked it up, and I let myself be awesome.  It didn’t matter that I didn’t come close to winning any sort of age group award in that race, I had earned a mental victory.

I was out running this weekend, and I started to feel self doubt creep in as I took a walk break, doubt that I could be fast again.  Then I realized what I was doing, a common pattern for me, I was giving myself an excuse not to try.  In my own self-preserving way I was giving myself an easy out, doubting enough so that I wouldn’t really try, and therefore wouldn’t fail.  This year I was supposed to put myself into running again (self imposed goal), but I haven’t.  It is much easier to sit on the sidelines and tell yourself that you can’t, than it is to put in the necessary work and give it a real try.  The reality is that I might not break 2 hours again this year, but I certainly won’t even come close if I don’t try.  I know that the self preserving part of me is there for a reason.  It tries to protect me from failure, even though it often causes me to settle for mediocrity.  I’ve made a promise to myself now, a promise that whenever I feel that self-doubt creep in, and that desire to let myself be mediocre because it is easier, I will remember to be awesome. 

I see myself settling for mediocre in other areas of my life too.  At work it can be easier to complain about the things I can’t control, rather than to put everything I have into the things I can control.  That usually leaves me feeling like something is missing, like I am coasting along and not really challenging myself.  I’m also carrying around about 10 pounds more than I want to, and not because I don’t know how to lose that weight.  I settle for good enough in this aspect of my life too.  Losing these 10 pounds would be easy if I would just get out of my own way.  Excelling in my career should be easy too.  I get lots of professional accolades that I dismiss, or explain away because I don’t feel like I have truly earned them.  In many ways, my self-preservation is harming me, and holding me back.   I’m posting this on my long neglected blog, because I want the reminder of what I can do and what I can be.  Will I allow myself to keep settling for good enough, or will I remember the awesome that is inside me?  I plan to strive for the awesome, and learn from my failures along the way.

An Early Christmas Present

The Boy and The Girl will not stop singing this silly song from a cell phone commercial. It is driving me bonkers, but tonight I decided to record them doing it so I could share it with family and friends.

Ambivalence

I am inching closer to the magic age of 35 with every passing day. I remember telling T at one point that we would certainly be absolutely and completely done having kids by the time I turned 35. I didn't want to be pregnant at an "advanced maternal age." I was 29 when The Boy was born, and 31 when The Girl was born. At 33 there was no way I was ready for another child, and even at 34 it still seems crazy at times. However, as The Girl gets older I find myself wondering if we are done, or if we are just taking a longer break between kids. T and I have had this conversation countless times over the course of the past few years. I know he feels very happy with our family the way it is, he fears the hormonal mess I was during the first few months after The Girl was born - and rightfully so...at least until the Vitamin Z kicked in. He also worries about our kids not being close enough in age, he worries about the third and final child being left out of things since The Boy and The Girl are thick as thieves. He has also started telling me that he is too old to start over again. *sigh* He always ends the conversation saying that he will support whatever decision I make, that if I want to have another child he is willing to try, but that he is also very happy to be done and will make the appointment for the vasectomy as soon as I give him the word.

Why is this so hard? So many of my friends tell me that they just knew they were done with whatever number of kids they have, why don't I just know? Why can't I just feel done? Frankly even more frustrating for me is the fact that I am so ambivalent about it. One day I am 100% convinced that we will have another, and then the next as I'm struggling to buckle The Girl into her carseat in the freezing MN temps I swear that I can't wait until both kids can buckle themselves into their seats and that I'm crazy to start again with another baby. Or, I take both kids to a store and listen to them fight, and I *know* that we are done with two kids. Instead of making a real decision I vacillate between the two extremes almost daily. I'm tired of it. I want to come to a decision and make peace with it.

How did you know you were done?

Breaking all popularity records

45 comments to my Super Why instruction post breaks all previous records of replies to posts for me. I was curious as to why I was getting so many hits, so I googled "Super Why costume" and found that my post from last year was the number one hit. Craziness! I'm glad that some of you found it helpful. In case some of you aren't getting emails from the Super Why Club Newsletter, this PDF file might be fun for you and your little ones. In case you are still looking for the graphic, please go to Baby Blog Addict for a clean crisp and easily accessible logo. Our Halloween madness begins tomorrow with the annual daycare Halloween party. I'm a little ashamed to admit that The Boy won't even watch Super Why anymore, but his little sister does still like it when she can be dragged away from The Backyardigans. Our Super Why costume will be sitting on a shelf this year, but maybe The Girl will want to wear it next year? She is planning on dressing as Buzz Lightyear this year, and The Boy will be Curious George.

The Halloween tricks began early for us, when the kids decided to decorate our door with sidewalk chalk. While it wasn't a fully santioned activity, it was too cute not to photograph.

Happy Halloween!

Super Why the Costume Part II

I thought this Halloween would be easier for parents of Super Why obsessed kids. However, from the occasional comments to this post from last year, and the flood of emails I get (in my treadmillista account that I basically never check) in response to the Super Why costume I guess I am wrong. I decided to take the time to detail out The Boy's Super Why costume from last year. Hopefully this can help someone else, who is looking for ways to make a Super Why costume for their Super Whyatt loving children.



Please note that I can't find the mask. The costume was in a pile of costumes in the basement play room, and as you know children don't always leave things in neat little piles. I suspect the mask is hiding somewhere in our 2-story plus finished basement house...I just don't know where.

The Shirt: this was made with green t-shirt material by my fabulous MIL. I found the logo on a coloring page printable from the PBS kids website, and then printed it on iron-on ink jet paper (you can buy the iron on ink jet paper at a variety of places including Target) and T ironed it onto the shirt. Baby Blog Addict posted a fabulous clean jpeg image that you can use for this purpose, so check it out - I was emailing it, but I'm burnt out!


The shirt with the pants: The pants were made with the same t-shirt material. My MIL is pretty resourceful and didn't need a pattern to make either the shirt or the pants. This is great because I don't even know how to turn on our sewing machine (it is really T's not mine).



The back of the shirt has two small velcro strips sewn onto it, for easy attachment of the cape:


The shirt with the cape attached: The cape was re-used from a very old costume from T's childhood when he was Batman. It feels like a nylon blend of some sort.


The little shorts: These were also re-used from that same very old Batman costume. Same material as the cape...



The under shirt: The Boy had this already in his closet. It is a size 4 Lands End plain blue long-sleeved t-shirt.


The total package (minus the mask):


The mask - If I remember correctly we used thin foam board to get the basic shape, and then my MIL wrapped the green t-shirt material around it somehow. She used velcro strips at the end of strings of the t-shirt material so it could be secured around The Boy's head.

If you have further questions I will try to funnel them to my mother in law! I hope this helps someone.

Note: I updated the link to the Super Why logo, this new link should work. I apologize for not being responsive to questions/emails, but my current job has me swamped and just unable to devote time to a blog anymore. Good luck with your costume making!

A tough return

It isn't news to you that I am not blogging much these days, or well this year. When you start every post in somewhat of a similar vein, it likely unnecessary though isn't it? I'm back primarily because I'm dealing with something that is happening to a friend, and wanted to talk about it here.

However, first of all I wanted to say that some things have changed in my life in the past few months. I got a new job. A new job that doesn't require any travel. My commute shortened, my work flexibility increased, and I moved completely out of the realm of engineering. It is too soon to tell if this is a good thing, but frankly for the sake of my family this is a very good change. I no longer have to live with the fear that I will have to travel next week or the week after, and dread those long trips away from my kids. It is all about them, and spending time with them.

So the thing I'm struggling with is that one of the strong and fabulous women with whom I've been in a buddy group with since The Boy was teeny tiny...she is going to miss out on all of the rest of the years with her kids. It is so completely unfair to lose a friend, but a friend with a 5 year old and a 2 year old is just too much. Every time I look at my kids and make plans for next week I think of her, and her battle to make it through just one more day.

Hug your kids, hold them tight. Cherish every moment you have with them.

A boy and his toads

The Boy is currently in the midst of, what I have been calling, a critter obsession. Here he shows off the toads he found a little more than a week ago (all were released before bedtime that night in case you were wondering).

I tried to imbed the link in this post, but it doesn't seem to be working...

An update

I don't think I can make any promises about a return to regular blogging. After a while the novelty wore off, and I lost the drive to post things. I thought I would post a short update for you in any case.

Running
Running is going pretty well for me lately. I made the decision a few months back to take a tiny step back from running so that I could incorporate more cross training. I've been doing The Firm DVDs on my days off from running, and I really enjoy them. Well that isn't entirely true, I mean the DVDSs aren't fun exactly, but I enjoy the results I've seen from doing them consistently. I'm now running 4 days per week, hovering between 20-25 miles per week, but I'm also doing The Firm 2-3 times per week. My leg strength has dramatically increased. I can now run up big hills on my routes without having the slightest (well there might be some) complaint from my legs. It feels great. My arms have muscle tone again. I've been wearing sleeveless shirts on occasion, and have had a few people compliment my arms. Honestly I thought that I had to give up on being buff after I had the kids, but it turns out I didn't.

Weight loss
I watched the Paul McKenna "I Can Make You Thin" series that was on TLC this spring, and it made a huge impact on me. I had gained some weight over the winter, and was feeling pretty depressed about it, and the show started at exactly the right moment to give me an extra kick. For once in my life I've been losing weight without feeling like I'm on a freakish diet that I will instantly stop as soon as I reach my goal weight. Weight Watchers taught me how to control my portions, and how to stay within a POINTS range, but it never taught me how to listen to the cues my own body was sending me to get me to eat and stop eating. I've lost 13 pounds since that first show aired in late March. I didn't use much of his advice apart from the 4 golden rules he drilled in. All of those thoughts I had that perhaps my body just didn't want to get back to its pre The Boy weight, were just excuses. I'm 2-3 pounds from that weight now, and it feels fantastic to have done it without counting a single point or calorie. I eat when I'm hungry, and I stop when I'm full, and I eat what I feel like eating not what I think I should. It sounds so simple, and like it can't possibly work, but it really does.

The Boy
He turns 5 on Saturday. I can't believe how fast this time has gone. In some ways it feels like he has been in my life forever, but in others it feels like he was just born and I was cradling him in my arms struggling to make breastfeeding work. He has a new love of nature, and is obsessed with catching bugs/frogs/toads, or whatever else he can think of at the moment. He is also in love with his bike. He rides as often as he can, and for as long as we will let him. He took to the bike almost immediately, and while he insists that the training wheels will stay on forever we think he is almost ready to ditch them now (he got the bike last month!). He continues to question everything he sees and everything we say, but I guess it shows he has a good thirst for knowledge. We plan to send him to full day Kindergarten in the fall. We worry a bit that he will be the youngest in his class, but in all regards he does seem ready. All we can do is go with what we know now, and be thankful that the neighbor kid who is a few days younger than him is also starting full day Kindergarten in the fall.

The Girl
She turned 3 last month. She is nothing if not full of life. She recovered well from her stitches, although we do think there will be a lasting scar from the experience. She is not a shrinking violet, she lets the entire world know when she is unhappy about something. Just the other day T was driving her home from daycare and she threw up while sitting in her carseat. T tried to comfort her as he rushed her home by saying "oh baby, I'm so sorry." She stopped mid-puke to say "I am NOT a gurgle gurgle Baby!" She has no qualms about letting you know when you are wrong! There have been many days when I just give up on getting her dressed in the morning, and just send her to daycare in her jammies...it is just easier than fighting with her. I'd add that she'll likely be a handful in her teen years, but who really knows. She is a handful now, but she definitely makes our lives interesting. She has been spreading rumors at daycare that we have a new baby at home, but that it is teeny tiny. News to us! Perhaps she knows something that we don't (though really she doesn't!). She is actually sitting on the computer desk as I type this right now, she is asking me to read the invitation for her brother's birthday party that was sitting on the desk. Does this say Happy J Birthday? She is so cute.

The House/Remodel
We finally got new furniture for the house this spring. It feels nice to have real grown up furniture in our new space. Of course the remodel never really ends. We have plans to tackle the worst of the landscaping issues this summer...maybe if we make effort.

What else?
I'm not sure what else I should update my blog readers about. If you have any questions for me post them in the comments and I'll try to respond!

A Stitch in Time

Sunday began like any other Sunday would. The kids watched some television, I lingered in front of the computer with my coffee, and T slept in. The laundry got done, my run got accomplished, the bathrooms got cleaned, and we even managed to make it to the park to enjoy our spring-like temps. The kids got to try flying kites for the first time ever, and aside from the fact that The Boy’s kite wouldn’t get airborne we had a good time.

The afternoon and evening were less enjoyable. The Girl wouldn’t nap, which made me cranky, and The Boy was busy pouting about everything. We did manage a fairly good dinner though, which I quickly followed with a trip to the grocery store to get milk. The rest of the evening was not so fun. The Boy pushed The Girl, which caused her to trip over a shoe and land with her face on the corner of a bench. ER visit number one resulted in stitches for The Girl. Her first ever stitches, and my first ever viewing of stitching of skin took place.

We got home, and I put the kids to bed. After finishing the bedtime ritual I found that the dinner dishes were still sitting on the table. I began cleaning things in a huff, T pitched in, and we were nearly finished when I managed to slice my right index finger with the steak knife I was washing. ER visit number two resulted in 5 stitches on my finger, a tetanus shot in my left arm, and not getting home until 12:30 AM on my birthday. Thankfully T’s parents came to stay with the kids for ER visit number two, because the 3 hour wait would not have been enjoyable with two cranky children in tow.

I can think of better ways to start off a birthday, but at least it is over. I will spare you the picture of my finger.

Happy Easter

Ahhh Easter, spring time, birds chirping, bulbs popping up, snow melting, er falling

At least we could make snowmen

The winter that would not end

At least we could pretend it was spring last week

A pet

I have made short sighted statements in the past regarding our lack of pets. I hope to keep us pet-free because I just don’t want to deal with the maintenance of a pet right now. Two children under the age of five is enough work for me thankyouverymuch. I’m still not completely over the loss of our dog several years ago, and honestly don’t want to start another relationship with an animal that could end badly. The Boy, on the other hand, is full of life and love for nature. He comes home from daycare or preschool almost every day with a new idea for a proposed pet. A few weeks ago he asked me if he could have snails. I said NO before he had time to finish his sentence. He sobbed uncontrollably for a long time.

A few days after the snail question he came home from daycare with a glass jar filled with a few ants. Um, okay. We told him that the ants needed to live outside so they got some fresh air. He agreed. The ants were dead by morning. A few days later he came home with even more ants, and insisted that they had to live inside our house or they would die outside in the cold. We relented, how could we punish his ants to death knowingly? The ants were dead by the middle of the next day. The Boy is undeterred by the death of his much loved pets; he keeps trying to catch more bugs.

In a lack of reasoning I offered to help him get tadpoles from the pond when it gets warm enough. He received a bug/frog habitat for his birthday last year, and I told him it could serve as a home for his tadpoles. He was very excited about the prospect of having many frogs as pets; until I told him that we would have to let the frogs go when they emerged (I’m not really counting on frogs emerging given how much The Boy likes to alter the not-so-natural environment they would live in). He was still happy about the idea that he would get a pet though so I thought we had dodged a bullet.

Apparently I was wrong about dodging the bullet though. Upon my arrival to pick the kids up from daycare yesterday I was TOLD that The Boy (by The Boy) was bringing home FIVE snails. He held them up, in their sad little Dixie cup filled with water, so I could see them. I said NO. He threw a fit of epic proportions. He hit me, he pushed me, he tried to kick me. I put him in a time-out, and hoped that he would calm down. He did not. I ended up getting The Girl ready to go home and then physically forcing The Boy to leave with us. He sobbed uncontrollably until we got close to home. I managed to make him laugh, apparently all was forgiven.

I have a feeling that this story isn’t really over. Any guesses as to what the next pet will be?

A quick check in

I have bloggers block. I have nothing interesting to write about so I continue my long streak of not blogging at all. Even worse is that I've completely stopped reading other blogs. It is shocking, but I won't even open my Google Reader because I am overwhelmed by the number of unread posts that will appear. I plan to post more regularly again, but I think it will take me a few tries to get back up on the horse.

A token January post

There are no excuses, I've just been absent. Work is busier than ever before blah blah blah blah blah. I will spare you the details. My Mom informed me that there was no new content here, which I knew but it served as a reminder that I should try to revive this poor neglected blog. I have thoughts of just completely giving up on it. I get a fair amount of hits when I am active here, but I'm not sure that is enough for me to keep writing here. I had lots of ideas for posts in the beginning, but now nothing comes to me, or rather things come to me but I find that I just don't expend the energy to post them.

I actually had grand ideas of starting a second blog devoted to the working/traveling Mom, but I seriously don't know how I would manage another blog since I can't manage this one. I'm on night number four of this business trip. It has been long. I miss the kids. I miss T. I miss my own home and my routines. The positive thought for tonight is that I get to go home tomorrow. I'll get to see the kids in person rather than through the grainy webcam Skype call. That thought gets me through, makes me smile, and makes me push through the trip. I think I need to travel again this month, but it will be a much shorter trip. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. I think I will find a way off of the traveling road eventually, but I'm not there yet.

Finding the joy again

This is the first year in many when I haven’t felt completely overwhelmed by the idea of Christmas looming in the distance. There have always been elaborate check lists of things that need to be done, gifts that need to be purchased, events that need to be attended, etc. While we still have all of that, for some odd reason this year I am not stressed out about it. I’m not even really done with my Christmas shopping, but yet I haven’t put much energy into what is left outstanding on my lists.

I’m not sure what I did differently this year. I have started listening to Christmas music in the car, and I have been thoroughly enjoying watching the kids react to everything that is Christmas. I’m looking forward to my Mom arriving this Friday and even more so to having her around Christmas morning to watch the kids react to the completely overblown morning of opening presents and playing with new toys. I’m no longer looking at all things Christmas as an obligation, but rather as an exciting opportunity to witness pure joy from my kids.

I am not trying to have a perfect Christmas, but rather I am trying to enjoy Christmas. I will not be spending the entire Christmas day cooking in the kitchen for the house full of company we are expecting, but there will be good food to eat. We will not have a formal sit down dinner, because that is not what we enjoy. In fact the idea of a formal sit down dinner gives me chills and raises my heart rate, but the idea of people grabbing their own food and eating buffet style makes me happy. I think life is too short to suffer through a formal meal simply because it is what you think you should do. I also think it is a shame to miss all of the joy and excitement of Christmas because you need to cook a mountain of side dishes.

It is really nice to be anticipating Christmas rather than begrudging it. I hope this gift I’ve given myself lasts for the rest of my life. It is nice to be able to say that I like Christmas and really mean it.

It's a Jib Jab Life

Yes, I am wasting a bunch of time this fine morning.

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